How to impress girls by becoming unconscious.

In high school I did speech and debate.  This was a huge thing in Spokane, Washington where I grew up.  Our speech team had over 50 people and was coached by one of the nation's best.  Across town at one of the rival schools was a girl named Abby.  Oh my goodness.  She was beautiful.  Shoulder length curly hair, deep brown eyes and hypnotic hips.  It was all I could do to be around her in my adolescents. I used to go to speech tournaments and "accidentally" bump into her as much as possible.  Of course if we were competing against each other I would try to crush her then respond sympathetic so as to appear sensitive, you know, high school.  This was before sensitive vampires wooed teenage women.  No glitter was necessary to put on the moves.

One of the largest tournaments per year was held at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, Wa.  This competition was a big deal and I usually fared pretty well.  When I was a Sophomore  I decided to make my move on Abby at this particular gathering.  I traditionally did not have a problem being around girls, but this particular one threw me for a loop.  She and I went for a walk and found ourselves in a field house at PLU.  Near one of the side entrances to this gigantic practice facility was a huge climbing rope hanging from the ceiling.

Being an avid pursuer of fun, I decided to run and grab the rope and swing as long and far as I could.  The rope spun as I grabbed it but I hung on in desperate attempt to impress Abby and preserve my pulse.  Abby giggled.  It worked.  I would land and she would be so impressed with my antics that she would throw herself into my arms and invite me to be hers forever, or at least until the next speech tournament. Or not. Gaining confidence as the rope swung back toward her I whipped my legs underneath me and held myself upside down.  Little did I know that the sudden movement would spin the rope and alter my course.  I was now heading directly towards a set of folded up bleachers.  I turned to brace for impact but it was to late.  Abby whispered, "watch out" in a low seductive tone, as if to say, "I'm concerned for your safety but not enough to startle you into action as I am actually interested in watching whatever is about to happen." Or, so I thought at the time.  I smashed into the bleachers and knocked my self out.  I was literally unconscious.

Awaking to her giggles and then her being embarrassed to be around me, I stood up quickly.  My sudden movement made me want to pass out again, but I held my ground.  "We should go," she said in the same low tone.  "Yeah, okay, um...wanna go out?" I said.  I know what you are thinking, excellent timing!  She sort of curled up her lips and rolled her eyes.  Wait for it.  Here it comes.  "I just want to be friends..." Pure adolescent heartbreak in action.

I learned a lot about girls and the foundation of relationships that day.  First, don't smear your face on steel bleachers in an attempt to impress a member of the opposite sex.  It is not a firm beginning of a relationship and it is hard on your face.  Second, be yourself.  Be real.  I remember getting so wound up about trying to be somebody else to impress, intimidate, sometimes dominate others in my adolescence. What nonsense.

Abby and I never dated.  Come to think of it, we never really talked again. My speech and debate career kind of took off and helped get into college.  God had a plan.  When that plan includes minor head trauma, my advice to you is to just roll with it as best you can.  Somethings are made to be...and somethings are just not made to be swung on upside down.