My mom gave John Wayne an enema.

I have two incredible "one up" stories.  You know how when you are engaged in a conversation about something totally interesting and the person telling the story really feels that they own the moment.  Comedian Brian Regan does a great bit about this on his "Walking on the Moon" DVD. It usually starts with something innocent like, "One time I was on this hike and..."  Eventually you hear about how a grizzly bear ate their friend but they narrowly escaped using parachute chord and a Trident gum wrapper as a hang glider whereupon they ran for three days only to discover respite in a tavern outside the ranch town of Augusta.  Maybe that is just in Montana.

The first "one up" story I like to drop on folks involves my mother.  When somebody starts in on what celebrities they have encountered over the years, I calmly wait with a gem in my pocket and a devious story of unprecedented success.

Here it is.

When my mom was in nursing school at Fullerton Junior College in California in the 1960's she happend to be doing a rotation in the emergency room at Fullerton Hospital.  In walks one John Wayne.  The John Wayne.  Yes, that one.

We have all heard the legends of his eating habits.  Apparently John was tying one on with a hefty meal and some drink when all of a sudden his intestines decided to file a formal protest and lock down until the union could gather before allowing any more work to be done concerning accounts receivable and sent.  This is a polite way of saying...his tummy really hurt and he couldn't go to the bathroom.

Upon examination of Mr. Wayne, the doctor on staff prescribed an enema.  Now it is important for everyone to realize that I will not go into hefty detail as to what an enema is.  You have Google.  Use it.  Regardless, the union lines had to be broken!  My mother...my wonderful little twenty-something LPN mother was on duty and got the assignment.

My mom gave John Wayne and enema.  She has had an encounter with a celebrity like no other.  She has placed her hands...okay, I will stop.  Isn't that hilarious?!  The best part of the story is that while John Wayne was recovering, putting on his pants and what not, my mom has the wherewithal to ask him for his autograph!  And, he gave it to her.  I like to think that John said something like, "Here ya are little lady.  Like to thank you for letting the herd back out into the pasture for me.  Wuhhuuh," but I am sure he responded more like, "May I go home now?"

Usually I tie my stories into some sort of spiritual theme or advice.  I like to look at life as a big teacher and me the lowly defiant student.  Maybe there is one here.  Perhaps we need to remember in times of desperate need to ask for help or that when are lives come to a halt, there is always a way through it.  Not sure I can keep a straight face while typing anymore.  This time, however, I think I will just let this story sit on its own, cause I know you have nothing that can "one up" it! Teeheehee.

P.S.
My second story (another blog post perhaps) has to do with my dad and the Beatles.  Seriously.